Perhaps you feel like your relationship is ‘stuck in a rut’ or maybe there are habits or addictions that are getting out of control; infidelity; verbal or physical abuse, suspicion or lack of trust; arguing a lot?

Perhaps you have lost a sense of who you are as a couple and wonder why you have got where you are, wanting to regain more of what you had and feel like you are in union. Maybe you’re questioning whether you’re still compatible or whether you should have gotten together in the first place?

When should couples go to therapy?

People come to couples counselling for all sorts of reasons. Often one party doesn’t want to come; or may not think there is not a problem, or may want to avoid issues altogether. Couples counselling is about learning who you are and who your partner is and discovering and evaluating your choices. This can lead to resolving conflict and in turn creating a healthier relationship.

One of the most commonly said things in couples counselling is “I didn’t know that about you” and this simple yet profound statement is often the key to opening up communication and working out a way forward. Sometimes it’s the things we didn’t know and fear that ultimately bring us closer together.

Sometimes the way forward is to separate, and the counselling focuses on how to do this with self-respect, dignity, integrity and operating out of the best of yourselves. When children are involved, this is key. How you navigate separation can determine if you end up with ‘clean pain’ versus ‘dirty pain’ and if there are residual regrets and ongoing ‘baggage’.

The key question to ask yourself is: Are you and your partner worth exploring? There must have been a reason for getting together in the first place – isn’t your ‘partnership heritage’ worth honouring to ensure you make the right life choices?

My role in your therapy is to create an environment where you can freely express what you need to and ‘contain’ the session and your relational dynamic, ensuring an objectively ‘balanced alliance’ facilitating and coaching your interaction.

If you are familiar with counselling approaches, my approach to couples’ therapy is based on Dr David Schnarch’s differentiation therapy; I draw from a family systems orientation and I also utilise some tools from the Gottman method. I tailor my therapeutic approach to the couple in front of me, and every partnership has a unique dynamic.