Couples Therapy Couples • Relationships June 8, 2023 By Sara Martin 0 Comments

Will My Relationship Survive?

If you are asking yourself, “Will my relationship survive?”, it is well worth reading these relationship questions.

Relationships can be the growth engine that prevents us from stagnating and becoming stodgy or stuck. Often we see conflict or doubts as signposts that we might not be in the right relationship or can stick it out.

I often say to clients that conflict and deeply exploring concerns or even being triggered or feeling so passionate about something that it hurts is NOT necessarily a bad thing.

It could be a catalyst for growth and your relationship is getting in your face holding up a big mirror to the things you need to face in order to be happy. And it’s not about whether you have conflict or concerns, it is whether you deal with that constructively and proactively and whether you can do repair well that matters.

Here are some relationship questions to ask yourself if you feel like you can’t last the distance:

Is it possible that I may be part of the problem and this relationship is holding up a mirror to things I don’t want to see?
Is it easier to project my issues on my partner than face the challenge of change?
Could things become good again if I tolerate the pain of growth and work through these things?
With challenge and growth can we become a better version of ourselves together – are we in fact a perfect partnership to challenge each other? (it’s just hard sometimes).
If I don’t rise to the invitation to change within this relationship, am I at risk of transmitting the same issues to the next relationship because I can’t escape my shadow?
Is part of the problem the season of life and I could feel different in seasons to come?
Should I stick it out like in generations before where ‘no fault divorce’ didn’t offer an out, and many ‘golden oldies’ pushed through and are happy in their later years? Am I cutting my losses too early?
Are there any parts of ‘Us’ that are worth keeping?

Could this feeling of ‘nothing left’ be an inner signpost that you have reached the end of the road and it really is time to move on?
Maybe you are capable of change and growth but your partner is not and you’ve grown as much as you can and staying is causing stagnation. Could it be that what is happening to me is toxic and others are seeing that but I can’t because I’ve started to believe and internalise the negativity and am not the person I used to be or want to be?
The question may then be “How do I extract with integrity, safety and as little collateral damage as possible?”

Some of these questions and the related issues are painful and complex.

You may be able to explore these yourself or it may be safer and more productive to be scaffolded and reassured during this self-examination. If that is the case, don’t hesitate to contact Brisbane-based counsellor, Sara Martin, at sara.martin@lifesensecounselling.com.au

Couples Therapy DIDO • FIFO • Relationships August 16, 2021 By Sara Martin 0 Comments

How To Deal With FIFO Relationships [Top 10 Tips]

In Fly In Fly Out relationships emotional and relational investment is just as important as the career and financial investment you work away from your partner and family to gain, don’t lose one over the other – you can have both! Read on to learn how to deal with FIFO relationships.

The effect on the relationship with your partner and on families when working away varies according to the length, predictability, and frequency of shifts. Conditions of employment; personalities; children’s ages; special needs of members of the family; access to services; support networks such as community groups, friends and extended family; and education services all play a role in whether you feel like you’re going to ‘lose it’ or ‘keep it together’.

Managing what is best for you, your partner and your family is as individual as the personalities within it. An important way to resolve issues is to have an open conversation to identify the key concerns and jointly work out how to manage the unique challenges of your own relationship dynamics and family needs.